My first mammogram

When it comes to my health I’ve come to terms with the fact that nothing ever comes easy for me. 

I was re-diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes on my birthday, and just a couple weeks later I went in for a check up and we found large masses in my breast. 

I’ll admit, I literally felt the lump in my throat and said “here we go again.” It’s sad when you get used to getting bad news. So she set up an appointment with radiology and at 36 I’d be going in for my first mammogram.

Leading up to the appointment I was a ball of nerves, crying just thinking about it. And I didn’t tell anyone in my family because I I didn’t want to burden them in case it was nothing. Which was my first mistake, because then I was left alone in my anxiety.

But I went in for the appointment, wore a dress. Don’t do that. Because now you’re down to your undies in the exam room with a machine that makes pancakes of your boobs. 

My tech was so nice and helped me through each step with so much grace but the whole time I was a puddle of tears terrified of what could happen.

She handed me a bag of “goodies” before she left the room. I’m holding this pink bag in my hand and wondering if this is supposed to settle my nerves. It wasn’t working if it was. Then I took out my phone and I literally started playing “Rattle” by Elevation Worship and singing along to the words, “Fridays disappointment is Sundays empty tomb, since when has impossible ever stopped you?” and it was a much needed reminder that my God is the one that does impossible every single day. 

I waited, and waited. And waited. 

She came back in and said the doctor would actually like to do an ultrasound on that one side so you’ll have to wait in the dressing room until we can get a time for you to go in there. So here I am, still practically naked sitting in a dressing room which is basically a closet with a shower curtain for a door. I’m trying not to panic but can feel my stomach start to tighten up, my head starting to feel light and the tears came again. Needing a closer look? Of course. Again, nothing comes easy for me. So I turned Big Brother on my phone and just sat there and distracted myself for the next 40 mins. I then went into the ultrasound room and saw the photos right in front of me and began to panic. Y’all, last time I checked I’m not an ultrasound tech and I’m surely not a doctor so I had no idea what I was looking at and was panicking for nothing. 

The doctor came in and told me he saw nothing for concern and that the masses and pain were more than likely hormonal, kind of like right before you get your period. He also said to limit my caffeine. Which I quickly said, “I only drink one cup a day and I’m not giving that up.” 😂

But I did it, an appointment that took me through a two hour roller coaster but I’m fine. There’s no cancer. I got out to my car and cried, played worship music as loud as I could and just thanked God over and over. 

I share this story because I had these pains and questions for almost a year and never said anything because I was scared of what might be found. And in doing that I brought bigger risk to myself. So if you feel something wrong in your body, speak up right away. Who cares if it ends up being nothing?  You are your own best advocate. Also wanted to share that mammograms aren’t half as scary as I thought they would be. But I also exclusively breast pumped my second child for 18 months so maybe nothing bothers me anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️😂. 

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